Struggle Bus...

I’ve sat at my computer trying to write something poetic, inspiring, compelling... and I hit writer’s block. No, that’s not it. It was an emotional drain. I’m human too. All coaches are!

The passing of my mom is always hard on me, but this year it was harder. Was it that I didn’t have the regular 9-5 job? Was it the pandemic? Was there something harder about this year versus the other 11? Maybe all of the above? Well, whatever it was, I felt extremely vulnerable, as if it was just too raw.

One day last week I didn’t want to get out of bed, off the couch ... I was just drained. Very not “me”. I still can’t put a finger on why. The mind plays lots of tricks on us. Between the anticipation of the memories of one February long ago, the crazy pandemic and a million other little things that I find myself thinking about, I often wonder what Mom would have thought about.... honestly anything!

While talking to my beloved counselor, she reminded me that it’s ok to feel vulnerable, ok to spend a single day not wanting to do anything. She also knows I’m going to bounce back. It’s almost like the same way the calendar turned to February, one mysterious day at the end of the month will fix it. I won’t be victim to my memories after that date (which changes yearly!).

So as I finish up this last line or two, I’ve spent the last 20 minutes writing and re-writing... I’m just going to leave it here. I know you’ll understand. Luckily, I‘ve bounced back again... I may seem disjointed now, but that’s ok. My optimisim and trust in myself have gotten me here again.

Next year, I’m going on vacation! LOL!

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